About Grief Support
Lost in a fog of grief
The casseroles stopped showing up at your door, but those sidelong pitying glances have not. It feels like the world is turning for everyone else but you.
Getting up and showering feels like climbing Mount Everest. The thought of replying to all the texts and emails or, God forbid, writing a thank you note makes you want to run back under the covers.
It feels like moving underwater, and some days you don’t even recognize yourself in the mirror. Some people say grief feels like their skin doesn’t fit or they don’t know who they are anymore. And they don’t know where to start.
We start wherever you are.
You don’t have to be in a particular place to benefit from therapy, and the right time to start feeling better is always now. I’m not saying it won’t be hard, but staying stuck and miserable is far worse. It is ok if you don’t see it now, but there is hope on the other side of grief; we only need to get you through it.
We can meet in my office, your home, via telehealth, in a state park or beach, or anywhere comfortable and convenient for you. Most clients prefer a mix. To start, I will offer you my heart to be present with you while you share whatever parts of your story you feel comfortable sharing.
I will check in with you often to ensure that I “get” you and understand how things look. You are the co-creator of this work together, so I seek and welcome your input and feedback in our sessions.
This time is all about you. If it isn’t working, we talk about it and change course to find something that does.
If you are new to therapy…
If you have never been to therapy before, that is fine. Needing or asking for help is very uncomfortable, even shame-producing. We all need help, even therapists, from time to time because no one gets out of here alive.
I get a lot of type A folks (Nurses – I’m looking at you), so let me clear this up in advance. You cannot be “bad” at therapy – not possible. Coming in, taking the first step to feeling better earns you an A. The only way to fail is not to try.
If you’re not…
If you had any experience in therapy that wasn’t great, I want to hear what you liked and didn’t, so we can make this experience different.
Sometimes, finding a therapist feels like dating. There needs to be a good vibe, a good fit, and that might mean trying out a few before you get that Goldilocks “just right” person. If I’m not that for you, I can help you find someone who is.
What’s it like?
Sometimes, a session might look like sitting in my office talking or practicing grounding techniques. But it might also look like burning a letter you’ve written, crafting a vision board, hiking, throwing stones in a creek, going on a gratitude walk, guided journaling, or screaming at the top of your lungs and jumping into the surf.
Your grief is unique, and your therapy should be, too.
My clients often express surprise that investigating their grief brings up a wealth of feelings and sadness like anger and fear, of course, and love, joy, or even relief. Sometimes, the grief isn’t about death but about the end of hope for things to be different, as in situations of abuse, estrangement, or other complicated circumstances.
Any way you express your grief is welcome here, and so are you. We will possibly cry together but also laugh. Whatever comes up for you is ok, and the monsters in your mind don’t scare me. No feeling is too big or too scary for us to face together. At your pace, we will dive deep into your thoughts and feelings about grief, death, and mourning.
We will discuss customs in your family and culture and how those things have served you or haven’t. We will create rituals to help you honor the person you lost and your love for them. We will also decide how you want to keep them present in your life – or if you do.
You get to decide
It’s a lie that you need to “let go” of someone who has passed. It is up to you what balance of holding on and letting go feels right.
Many people don’t realize how previous losses affect every loss that follows or how the waves of grief batter you differently depending on the day. I will help you build resilience by getting comfortable with discomfort and this new normal.
We will take stock of how this grief has changed you and how you would like it to change you, returning some control to you.
We will chart a course toward your future, one you might not even be able to imagine right now. Take the first step and call.
About Kat Hurley
I fell in love with grief work at Trader Joe’s.
I was a professional dancer for 17 years before becoming a therapist, and I loved every second of it. In my mid-thirties, my body begged me to find a new career. While figuring out what direction to go for graduate school, I worked at Trader Joe’s.
My boss asked me if I would take the flowers left at the end of the day and donate them to the new hospice facility down the street. When I first heard the word hospice, I imagined the stink of urine and despair. “Sounds awful,” I thought. “No thanks.”
When he told me they were giving tours of the new facility and that I could take one while on the clock after I dropped off the flowers, I weighed my options: 1) freezing my butt off stocking fish in the freezer, OR 2) take a tour of this hospice place. I went on the tour.
Without hyperbole, that choice changed my life. I got to meet families who had used the hospice, and it was nothing like I thought – not dark and depressing with everyone using hushed tones and wearing black with lots of hand wringing and tearing of Kleenex. Instead…
It was “Love, Actually.”
Remember that movie? There is an opening montage of people saying hello and goodbye at the airport, back when you could do that. Everyone focused on love. The little fights, daily injuries of intimate relationships, and ups and downs were all forgotten in service of what mattered most: the love, the people, and the relationships.
Hospice was like that. The families talked about healing and coming together to participate in facilitated conversations to help say words like “Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.” I signed up on the spot to become a family support volunteer.
I learned from the therapist working at the grief center about post-traumatic growth, meaning-making, and continuing bonds. I wanted to do more, so I volunteered as a facilitator for adult and adolescent bereavement groups.
I was hooked and attended Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service, which included an advanced year of Palliative Care Fellowship.
Credentials, Training and Experience
I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Advanced Grief Recovery Method Specialist, and Certified Advanced Palliative and Hospice Social Worker. After my master’s degree, I pursued a second fellowship in palliative care at Montefiore Medical Center in the Bronx, NY.
I was a faculty preceptor at Albert Einstein College of Medicine and Columbia University School of Medicine. Topics included breaking bad news, interdisciplinary communication, Ready4Residency, de-escalating highly emotional interactions, bioethics, and the Objective Structured Clinical Exams.
At Fordham University’s Graduate School of Social Service, I guest lectured on grief, loss, palliative care, social work, and improvisation for health care professionals. I love presenting, and some of my favorite topics include Modern Grief Education, Children’s Grief, Talking to Children About Death, Palliative Care, Hospice, Meaning Making from Loss, Boundaries, Burnout, and Trauma Stewardship.
I authored a chapter on De-escalating Highly Emotional or Potentially Violent Situations in the Oxford Textbook of Palliative Care Social Work, 2nd Edition.
My Off Hours
When I’m not working, you can find me wrapped up in some new fiction on my Kindle with a mug of tea.
I like stand-up paddleboarding, kayaking, or really anything in the water. I am a certified RYT-200 yoga teacher, and I love to practice yoga. I adore getting lost in a new city, being “that” kind of dog mom, and hiking to waterfalls.
