Adult Individual Grief Support

Life Feels Like Moving Through Jello

Julie* has two beautiful kids and a career she adores. First thing after awakening, Julie takes a deep stretch and notices that nagging feeling that she has forgotten something. She quickly scans the to-do list in her brain: notes for the presentation at work, soccer at 3, gymnastics at 10, pick up husband’s shirts at the cleaners – wait, it’s right there, just out of reach.

Chase* is never coming home. Waves of grief batter Julie all over again. Tears, fast and hot, run down her face.

People say, “Let me know if there is anything I can do.” Can you bring my husband back from the dead? Then no, there is nothing you can do. When Julie started thinking that things were finally getting better, that stupid Subaru commercial came on, and she became a weepy mess.

Julie bites the inside of her lip to keep from screaming every time someone says, “Well, at least….,” “God must have needed another angel,” or “Everything happens for a reason.” She wonders if this is all there is now – her new companions are emptiness, brain fog, and dread.

Will I ever feel normal again?

Becoming a widow and a single parent in one fell swoop was totally overwhelming. Julie reached out to me after wandering the Internet looking for relief.

Her feelings of loss and despair sat like a lead weight in her stomach, stopping the words in her throat as she haltingly shared some of what she felt in our initial consult call. I knew I could help her as I helped others before her. We agreed to have our first session the following week. I explained to Julie that we could meet in my office, over telehealth, on a walking trail, or even in her home.

We decided to meet for the first time in person to see if the vibe felt good to both of us. We needed to develop a solid therapeutic connection to do this deep work. Julie admitted she had never been in therapy before and was a little nervous about the prospect.

I reassured her that most people are anxious when starting therapy. We opted to meet in my office. Julie and I began our work with some grief education and guided visualization to help her feel safe. Julie was scared but brave. I taught her some relaxation and grounding exercises to assist with self-regulation when the feelings got too intense.

Her Story

We talked about the loss of her husband that prompted her to seek help, and we explored the previous losses in her life and began to make connections between those losses and this one. We talked about her current stressors, coping skills, strengths, and challenges as our work progressed.

Sometimes, Julie elected to have our session at Hammonassett State Park (walk and talk therapy) because she had trouble getting motivated to get fresh air and exercise. This way, she knew she would get both at least on the days of our sessions.

We identified ways Julie has grown in her resilience throughout her life and used that resilience as a sort of lighthouse pointing toward her future. We began to see patterns in her life and losses.

Julie learned to identify the thoughts and strategies that helped her cope and the ones that kept her stuck.

Julie’s Journey

Julie returned to book club and the gym, reporting that they made her feel “more like me again.” Slowly, we began to talk about the future while keeping the past and Chase very present, as was Julie’s wish.

We explored Julie’s thoughts and beliefs about death and dying and what it means to be a young widow.

We looked at ways to keep Chase present in their family and honor his memory for her and the whole family.

All these insights helped Julie endure what she couldn’t change and take some healing time for herself and her children. When she felt ready, Julie requested a session in her home (concierge therapy), allowing me to meet with her and her children together as we began planning a highly personalized family grief retreat.

We made the retreat partly at Julie’s house and partly at the beach while mixing sand with laughter and tears. After the retreat, Julie shared that her kids still talk about that special day, and they all agreed it brought them closer to Chase and each other.

What Julie Needed Was A Guide

Someone who has walked the path of the griever for themselves and with others. That person was me. Alis Volat Propriis is Latin for, “She (he/they) flies by her own wings.” I will walk with you until you find your wings again.

I have worked with parents who have lost a child; people who have lost a partner or spouse; and children who have lost parents, siblings, twins, and even pets.

Let me walk with you as your grief guide. I will be a listening ear, a supportive shoulder to cry on, a teacher, a companion, and a cheerleader.

Don’t wait to feel better; help is available now. Call or click here to schedule your free initial 15-minute consultation.

*Names changed to protect client confidentiality.